Last night, I sent a tweet to my idol and dream boy Wanggo Gallaga. I told him I admired him so much and I bought the book Eros Pinoy because I know one of his poems is included there. I had been in a desperate crush with Wanggo ever since I found out about his coming out to the public as an HIV+ young man.
He is a symbol of life for me. His gorgeousness is refreshing. He is my idol. He is the reason why I created my blogs and became active in my advocacy. By admiring him, I learned how to admire the fact that I am HIV positive and that I could also be someone as brave and pretty as him.
It made me realize that HIV is not a wasting sickness that would leave you ugly, malnourished and leprous. That was what I used to know. Images of African children, starved and thin, almost like dried twigs covered with lesions is the image of HIV/AIDS that was plastered on my mind. The reddish violet stain of Kaposi's sarcoma proliferating across the skin of a dying man with HIV/AIDS is also a stark reminder to me of the intensity of this virus. This made me so scared about getting it, and yet not so scared enough to make me stay away from all those hunky bodies and tumescent cocks.
I love looking at pictures of Wanggo. Even when I was negative years before, I wanted him. If I only had a life-sized mannequin of Wanggo or a poster I can put up on my wall! I had dreams about Wanggo which I would never talk about here in public. He is a demi-god for me, an alluring Dionysius among us. I can relate to him because I was very promiscuous too and had multiple partners I met online before and I was not even as hunky and sexy as Wanggo. When I created my Twitter, he was one of the first ones I followed. I am also a constant reader of his blog which I followed too because I was a Wordpress blogger myself. I like him because he is beautiful, smart and he is also a writer like me. I love his articles and poetry. I am seriously waiting for him to write a whole book all of his own and I will definitely buy it as soon as it comes out.
Some people told me that they can help me be introduced to Wanggo himself. I was also invited to some events where Wanggo would most probably make an appearance like the last Candlelight Memorial in Quezon Circle this year 2012. But I always reject their offer. Why? Because I was scared that I would freeze and make a fool out of myself when I finally get to see Wanggo in front of me or even shake his hand. I would definitely go catatonic. I would salivate until my shirt will be wet. I know I would say something weird and insane to Wanggo and I am scared I would turn him off if I did.
All I want for him is to notice me. All I do was to tweet to him or make a comment on his blog, hoping that he will tweet back even a short smiley or a hello, or reply to my comment. I just want him to know that someone whom he never met is definitely bonkers about him.
So anyway, it was a great surprise for me when I opened my email and saw this:
My heartbeat was so fast. I never expected it. Oh my God???? Wanggo finally took notice of me! When I checked my followers though, Wanggo was not among them. Maybe he unfollowed me after or maybe he just clicked Follow by mistake. But that is fine with me. The mere fact that he even became my follower for a second or so is enough for me to make me smile for days.
Wanggo, if you are reading this, thank you for the indirect inspiration you gave me. You do not know me but I just want you to know that I salute you. Because of you, I felt good about my status. You are an emblem of hope for all of us who loves and admires you.
Keep it up Wanggo. I will always go gaga over you. =P