Martes, Hunyo 19, 2012

A Potential Partner

I really like Daddy Pat.

Pat and I talk on the phone every single day. I would call him usually on mornings and after his work, around 12 AM to the wee hours of the morning. What I like about him is that he is always available whenever I want to talk to him, unless he is asleep, working or at the gym.

He lives a very simple lifestyle. He would wake up around 11 AM and I would call him. By 3 PM, he would prepare to go to work and by 4 PM to 5 PM, he travels to work which starts at 7 PM. Lately, we started chatting and seeing each other through webcam while he's at work. He is as handsome as I expected based on his pictures, although he would say that he looks like a provincial man or a carpenter. But maybe that is where his charms lie. He looks a little Latin to be honest, dark-skinned but with rugged Spanish features and a yummy body to die for.

Plus, he is really interesting. He came from the Visayan region. He has been a consistent first honor since preschool to high school and he went to college in the University of the Philippines - Diliman. That university holds a special place in my heart because I wanted to study there. I actually passed the entrance exam and got the course that I wanted in UP but I attended another private but very prestigious university instead because I was given a full scholarship.

Aside from that, my first boyfriend, Rycel, studied in UP. He was a guy I can never forget. Although we only had a summer fling of two weeks but it was so good while it lasted. Rycel was a very beautiful Fil-Chinese-Spanish boy with an insatiable appetite for sex. I was his first lover. I let him fuck me when I was seventeen when he came here in our house. I am terribly digressing. I want to talk more about Rycel but not in this post. I will, in the future.

Anyway, Pat is really a good conversationalist. We talk a lot about anything under the sun. He says his favorite topics are about society, politics and current events, which I confess that I am not really fond of. At the same time, he is not also a fan of reading. He seems to be there every time I call him and he is never busy. Even while he eats or plays Plants vs. Zombies, or while he listens to music, we would still talk. He says it's okay. Sometimes, he would get really moody. He told me that he's like that because of Efavirenz. If he is happy, that antiretroviral may make him giddy as if he is high on an Ecstasy pill. If he's in bad spirits, it would intensify his terrible mood and he would sound like a snooty snob who hates whatever I say and is bent on being irritated with everything.

For several reasons, I really like Daddy Pat. He seems to be a potential partner for me:

First, he is also a poz like me.

Second, he is so damn hot.

Third, he reminds me so much of my greatest love, my ex Poy.

Fourth, we might have sex.

Fifth, I think he likes me.

I do not want to assume anything but I can somehow feel it. On the earlier part of our being friends, I really felt that we might be on the road of being something more than friends. We would really be naughty and even sweet to each other. He even admitted he likes me when I asked him.

However, it all changed when I told Pat about my Kuya Deo. He developed a distaste for Kuya Deo instantly without even knowing him. He seemed to be jealous of him although he does not say it so. He criticized Kuya's being a member of an HIV/AIDS advocacy since Kuya is HIV negative. Pat thinks that HIV/AIDS support groups are crap and does not believe they are effective. He thinks that these organizations do not know what they are really doing because majority of them are HIV negative anyway. They have no idea of what we HIV poz people are really going through. 

Aside from that, Pat hates the fact that Kuya Deo is dominant over me. I told him about the arguments and reprimands I got from my Kuya and Pat thought that my Kuya is a bastard who has no right to be preachy on me. It was from one argument where Kuya told me that I should not act like a counselors even to my fellow poz because I was not trained to be one. Pat thinks that training is not enough. He believes that a poz is the only one who can truly understand and feel what another poz is going through.

Pat is seven years older than me, so he can be also considered as an older brother to me like my Kuya Deo. However, Pat and I are somewhat more compatible to each other that Kuya Deo and I could ever be. He and I would talk about being HIV positive. We would talk about the side effects of our antiretrovirals. We would complain about the opportunistic infections that we have. Since he has been positive since 2011, he gives me advice on how to deal with this virus. In the same way, I can sympathize well with his complaints in life and endure his mood swings.

I can imagine myself being with Pat and even spending my life with him. When I asked him if he wants me to stop flirting, he told me it's up to me. I told him I like him and I would like to be his boyfriend if possible but he told me that he just wants us to be friends. He is reluctant to be in a relationship again for several reasons. Still, like what I do with my Kuya Deo, I always tell Pat that I like him or even say I love him. I would try to be sweet hoping that Pat would reciprocate in the same way but he would only say thank you or giggle without saying anything. 

But despite that lack of verbal admission, I can really feel that Pat is fond of me. Although he may get irritated with me, his temper is fast to pass. By the next day, he is in good spirits with me again. The same thing happens with my Kuya. I can owe it to the fact that Daddy Pat and Kuya Deo are both Pisceans but does it really matter what their Zodiac signs are? Maybe there might be some esoteric and occult explanation on it written on the stars and governed by celestial bodies. But right now, I am just more focused in knowing the both of them more. Kuya Deo, as I discussed in a post I had written earlier, may really be better off as a special companion in my life rather than an actual partner. I can learn how to cope with that fact.

Who knows, maybe Pat is the one I am meant to be with - a lover that will love me the way I want to be loved.

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