Linggo, Hunyo 3, 2012


A guy I really like visited me the other day. Yes, he was the one I am talking to in the earlier post (positHIVely in love). Who was he? Let’s call him KUYA DEO.

I met him in Planetromeo, pre-HIV. I was still a young slut who wants to devour every attractive man who comes to my path. Anyway, Kuya DEO and I somehow found each other’s profile. I think I was the one who messaged him first. Why? Because I want sex and he is cute enough to get that sex I wanted. We exchanged numbers and planned to meet. He would call me or I would call him.

He has a really good voice and a nice accent, a thing I really dig with guys. I like men who speak with a rich boy accent. A man does not have to be rich to please me. I just want him to sound good when speaking in English. Kuya DEO’s voice is really manly and yummy. Just by his voice, I am sure that I’d hop on any bed with him and frolic all over his body. I’ll let him fuck me until I bleed.

Though our intentions were sexual, we sometimes talked about Deondane things too. Honestly, I enjoyed talking to him that I got a little scared to actually meet him. What if he just wants sex? What if we won’t be friends anymore after it? What if he won’t like me? What if he would regret seeing me? So basically, I was a little half-hearted with actually seeing him. I wanted to but then, I did not want this companionship to end.
Eventually a lot of things happened. I got tested. It was confirmed that I was HIV + just last March. My hub was at RITM Alabang. I started seeing my doctors. I started talking to other people. I started coping with my condition. (more about this in the next posts)

So anyway, I and Kuya Deo were not talking in a while after I learned about my status. I was very busy with a lot of things which I will talk about more in other posts. Then suddenly, as I was browsing through my phone, I saw his number and decided to call him. I was ready to admit  that I am a positive. I am always very dramatic whenever I tell people about my status. So I did not tell it to him straight. He got vexed and just asked me what it is and that I should just tell it to him straight. I told him. He just said, “Okay, so what do you want me to do?” in a somehow irritated manner. I just told him, “Nothing. Just sharing. That’s all. Okay, bye.” He said, “Okay.” Then he hung up.

I was very stunned after. I thought he was insensitive. I felt he did not care one bit. Well, he texted later that he is used to that because in fact, he belongs to an organization related to HIV/AIDS. He even called me later in a Deoch more gentle demeanor.

I thought I would lose him but in fact, we got better as friends. We seemed to really talk after that. Talk, meaning we actually are trying to really know each other, not just talking about when to fuck. Well, since I told him about it, I guess I am already off his list of fuckable individuals. I really don’t mind. He seems really nicer as a friend or an older brother. He would call me sometimes just to have some chat or just talk to me. I would tell him things about me or my condition. He is always very helpful and kind to me. He would even reprimand me because I always forget to take my ARV’s on time.

I told him that actually, I really want him. I really still do. But then, my desire for him was replaced by respect. I told him that thinking about making love with him is like wanting to make love with a professor or a teacher. No matter how Deoch you want it, it sounds wrong and you should not even attempt to do that since a teacher or professor is someone of higher level than you. There should be respect. So all I am trying to say is that I respect him now. But what I am really trying to tell him is that – YOU CAN STILL DO IT WITH ME IF YOU STILL WANT TO.

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